This would be my first blog post from the front lines. I’m sitting amidst the chaos of… My bedroom. I just downloaded the WordPress Blog app for iPhone, and, as you can see, I’m using it, right, this, second.
Before I go to sleep I like to check my RSS feeds, read email, and try out new apps on my iPhone. All while my TV mumbles sweet nothings and makes me very un-green in the background.
Goodnight.
ask yourself this: if you could invite three people, living or dead, over for dinner, who would you invite, and would you use soy milk in the cereal or skim?
well, me, i would invite Jesus, Albert Einstein, and my grandmother. On my mom’s side. I couldn’t even tell you what my grandmother on my dad’s side’s name is. could not tell you. benita? corinna? laweeka dujon? no idea. i never really knew who, no wait, i didn’t know her at all. never met her. but if i had met her, and we had gotten along really, really well, like, when my parents talked about going to see old what’s-her-face, and i would jump up and down for joy and be all like, “YES! i can’t wait to see old what’s-her-face! fuck yes! do you KNOW how much i love that woman?! do you KNOW?!” then i would give her a nickname, and that nickname would be laweeka dujon. ’cause she’d be a laweeka dujon kind of gal. and she would have been a riveter in WWII. you know?
and of course, she’d have a nickname for me too; it would be steak’ems. ’cause she’d always cook these big ol’ steaks on the grill when we would stay with her. they’d be like two inches thick, and would be loaded with down-home seasonings. i’m not sure what kind of seasonings are down-home, but she’d use a lot of them. and i would just LOVE those steaks. eat ‘em right up i would. and i’d always ask for more, and she’d be like, “no darlin’,” (she’d have a southern accent at times, even though she was from the adirondacks) “no darlin’ yous gots to save room for my pie!” whatever pie that was. but you knew it would be good pie.
and you know what else? she’d live alone in her 50s ranch house, which she hadn’t updated since 1957, so it would totally have that kitsch feel to it, but it would be real, not forced. and you know john waters would just love it. he’d call me up and say, “how’s that old house laweeka lives in? is it still around?” and i’d say, “yes sir, mr. waters, it sure is!” (i’d talk like dennis the menace for some reason when john waters would call me up.)
she lives alone ’cause her husband died of a stroke in 1971, six years before i was born. he was a decorated air force pilot in WWII. flew in the battle of britain, and survived! but we don’t talk about him much, ’cause there were rumors he transported wine across the alps for il duce. just rumors though.
god i loved that woman. old laweeka dujon…
oh yeah, and jesus and einstein, and we’d talk about recipes for bread. and who the fuck serves cereal for dinner? that’s just stupid.
i don’t know who you think you are steve jobs. but it sure isn’t a purveyor of cool things. ’cause the new iphone is lacking all out coolness. what is this? i think it’s the inotcoolphone. that’s what i think it is.
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COOL HUNTING
